Happy Anniversary!

Happy Anniversary The NOT So Virgin Diaries!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Wow another year has gone by. A year filled with ups, downs, circles and all arounds! It has been a blessed year nonetheless, because I’m still here.

But y’all, check this out.

So three months ago, I walked into Aldi. As I was walking in, the security guard stopped me. He said, “I know who you are”. I said, “mmm huh”? He said, “I see you. Keep your hair like that in its natural state. You are strong. You’re quiet at times but when people mess with you, all hell breaks loose. He said don’t let anyone take advantage of you because you’re kind”. I said, “trust me, I won’t”. He said, “I know”!

The crazy thing is, I have NEVER SEEN THIS MAN A DAY IN MY LIFE. Like never, not even at the market.

But to me, that was confirmation and nothing but God getting him to relay a message to me.

During this past year, I have gone through a lot. A lot that has left me questioning who I am and why I was even still alive. Everything that I’ve been going through, pretty much 90% of it was alone.

I have definitely allowed people to take advantage of me. I’ve allowed them to mishandle me. I’ve allowed them to cause me to question myself and my worth. I didn’t allow any of this to go on because I wanted it to go on. I allowed it because I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was giving people the space and grace to grow and learn how to love better you know. But I was 100% wrong. If people don’t have real consequences for things that are deemed to be wrong or inappropriate, they probably won’t change those behaviors. Of course I’m not saying that people can’t just be convicted and change, just saying the chances are less likely if they suffer no consequences. But I had been allowing people to take advantage of me. I would allow myself to just take it and be the bigger person, until I snapped. Then you know, Maya is all bad.🙄😒

You see, what was crazy about the timing of him saying that to me is that I was beginning to say no more. I wasn’t completely not experiencing those things anymore. But I was getting very clear on what I would and would not tolerate. I was getting very clear on what I did and did not want. So those words were just like getting a Word at church. It may not be for that exact moment, but when something comes up in life, you’ll be able to go back into your memory bank and pull strength from it.

Over the next few months, things continued to happen. I continued to doubt myself. I continued to feel worthless. I continued to feel like why is that my profession is me helping people, but yet, here I am suffering. It wasn’t making sense to me. Then you know what I did? I asked God to start revealing things to me. Guess what? HE DID! I most certainly was shocked about somethings, and others, I was just like, ok, no surprise here! Although I wasn’t surprised by some of it, all of it hurt. I’m not even going to sit here and pretend like I just was like, “aight bet, good looking big guy”, because I wasn’t. I cried. It was actually pretty devastating realizing that the season was changing in my life and I could either change with it, or not change. If I didn’t change, I wouldn’t be prepared and would suffer more. You know, like it being winter time and I refused to let go of the sundresses.

Now, I’m in a much better space. Not a completely healed space, but one where healing is taking place. Healing is my priority. Other people are no longer my priority. I don’t hate people lol. I don’t not show up for people. I just no longer show up for others at the expense of myself. I have days where I’m still a ball of emotions and I cry a lot. But I’m no longer in the space of crying all day and not getting out of bed. Getting clear about what works for me, is helping my healing journey because I know what needs to be done in order to see the change that I so desperately desire. I’m walking into a season of newness and I’m actually really excited. This new season is going to bring more clarity and also allow me to show up as my authentic self while I’m healing and growing. I’m just getting closer to the abundant life that He promised me.

If you aren’t clear about what you want or don’t want, talk to God. Ask Him to help you see things clearly. It may not happen over night, but God isn’t a God who takes pleasure in not helping us. He’s always there, even when we refuse to see. Don’t let anyone make you doubt who you are, you are amazing! Even if you have areas that need improvement, there’s still breath in your body, so you have the chance to get it right.

❤️MrR❤️

❤️